The Truth, Your Truth: Navigating the Ethics of Memoir Writing
Knowing how to share the truth in your memoir can feel muddling. Let me demystify this process from a book editor’s perspective.
We’ve provided editing and ghostwriting for authors including:
An air force pilot with PTSD from flying strike missions
Survivors of trauma and addiction
Those formerly incarcerated for murder and other offenses
Just as often, we help authors tell stories of entrepreneurial success.
One of the top concerns we hear from all memoir authors is: How much of the truth should I tell? And how should I do it?
Sometimes authors worry that leaving out or changing details—even fabricating dialogue—will compromise their integrity.
Authors also wonder about the ramifications of “outing” an abuser or someone who did something nefarious, or of sharing confidential details.
Others don’t want to out themselves for a part of their past they’re ashamed of.
I’m not an attorney. If you’re concerned about libel (or any legal consequences), please consult a lawyer. They can also help with copyright concerns. (Jane Friedman’s blog has great info on fair use.)
But I can comment from a human and an editorial perspective. Here are four tips for navigating the fine line between your truth and the truth while still crafting a page-turner.
Tip #1: Don’t Tell Everything
By far the most common editorial “mistake” I see is trying to cram too much into a memoir. We don’t need to know the breakfast menu on your first day of high school unless it’s:
Relevant to the storyline (maybe you had an eating disorder) or
Helps to build a character or scene (maybe your mother was a Mexican chef, and you want to show your heritage or set up dialogue)
Nor do we need a play-by-play of every year you’ve lived. A memoir, unlike an autobiography, usually won’t cover your whole life. (Hint: Skip over the stuff that makes someone long to go fold their underwear.)
To decide what to include, first determine your book’s purpose and reader. Then, craft your story arc. And then, decide how to tell that tale in the most compelling, clear, and concise way. (Yes, this task is bigger than a breadbasket. Reach out to us for help.)
Tip #2: Don’t Be Afraid of Your Own Imagination
Not everything in your memoir must be provable. For example, dialogue is a great tool to build characters and scenes--offering dramatic tension and even comic relief. Unless you carried a tape recorder to kindergarten, you won’t recall what Miss Brown said. Instead, get comfortable with creating scenes from your imagination. (Tip: Memoirs may include a disclaimer about how some dialogue is recreated.)
The internet can also be your friend. We recently helped an author write an entrepreneurial memoir. To create imagery around starting his agricultural business, we advised that he research the most common native plants and wild animals to his region in Northern California. He used that content to paint a brief, vivid picture of his land, which allowed a reader to imagine this setting throughout the story.
Tip #3: Consider Who Your Writing Might Hurt
The juicy bits of your story will help to sell it, but consider these caveats.
First, on the extreme end, consider libel, which (non-legal definition) is writing something untrue that can cause harm to another person. You may think you’re safe because you’re telling the truth, but as we all know, even eyewitnesses to crimes can mess up the details. Your truth is just that: yours. Also, even if your account is accurate, someone else could say it’s not; and even if you win a lawsuit, you probably don’t want that expensive hassle.
You may face other consequences—such as alienating family members or upsetting children impacted by your story.
If this advice has scared you out of writing, please relax. You can indeed cover topics as grave as abuse. Many of our authors courageously tell very compelling and honest stories using some of these strategies:
They may leave out some details.
They may infer hardship without naming names.
They may change names (which isn’t always foolproof, since if you’re talking about your ”ex,” they’re still identifiable).
They may write fiction instead of a memoir.
They may write a hybrid memoir—for example, complementing their own scenes of “rough sleeping” with strategies on combatting homelessness.
They may show dialogue or details that portray a character’s style without explicitly condemning them.
You can’t unsay something once it’s said, and you can’t make someone “unread” something once it’s published. Consider who might be impacted by your words, and then decide how to share your story. And don’t be afraid to write a draft that includes all the details before skipping to tip #4.
Tip #4: Hire a Professional Editor
This may sound self-promotional, but I mean it as highly practical. An experienced and trained editor can fine-tune language so that your story isn’t diluted—nor a tale you’ll later regret sharing. They can help you trim or tone down areas that leave you vulnerable—while highlighting the meat of your story. They can often point out potential risks (and where you may need an attorney).
I’ve edited many books that thread a needle between honesty and safety. Of all my clients with abuse stories, only one had their perpetrator legally pursue them—and I did not edit that book but just worked to promote it early in my career. (That author went into explicit detail about the abuse, and it was clear who the abuser was.)
I believe there is a book waiting to come out of you, even if the topic or process makes you feel a little bit nervous. If you want help navigating, just reach out.
Happy writing!
